Random conversation:

HN [6:22 PM]:

am chatting with a friend

HN [6:22 PM]:

and just realised

HN [6:22 PM]:

in midst conversation

HN [6:23 PM]:

ppl keep saying bhais ke aage
been mat bajao

NN [6:23 PM]:

what what…

HN [6:23 PM]:

bt thts wht lord krishna used to
do

HN [6:23 PM]:

day in day out

NN [6:23 PM]:

hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

NN [6:23 PM]:

 ROTFLMAO

HN [6:24 PM]:

interesting lifestyle i must say

NN [6:24
PM]:

hehe

NN [6:24
PM]:

ur cute

HN [6:24 PM]:

dude

HN [6:24 PM]:

lord krishna‘s cute

NN [6:24 PM]:

hehe…that tooo

HN [6:24 PM]:

defying convention and
proverbial wisdom right when he was a child

HN [6:25 PM]:

some old hag mustve told him, ‘never try to lift mountains with ur little finger‘

NN [6:25 PM]:

hehe….stupid
png‘er …dont make nice joke
technical

HN [6:25 PM]:

and he was like, screw u

NN [6:25 PM]:

hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

NN [6:25 PM]:

oh fuck ! i just
actually laughed out so loud !!

NN [6:25 PM]:

ppl starin at me

HN [6:25 PM]:

 

NN [6:25 PM]:

plz plz put this
on your blog !

Niki, here it is :)

TauFu (n.): The act of talking to one’s computer / pleading with it / re-opening a software at a later time / hitting the keys harder, as if that is going to change the outcome of the executed command. (And with something as unpredictable as Windows, it works). Also known as Reboot Voodoo.

“XYZ is almost certainly the best online photo management and sharing application…”

“…possibly the best radio station in Singapore.”

“…probably the best Indian curry that you could ever have!”

A new clan of pseudo-claims.

What are claims? (Not the insurance types, and definitely not the legal ones). For the non-branding junta, claims are what the word means. Marketers make claims for their brands based on the product performance, efficacy, credentialing by third party, external certification, internal R&D etc. Look around you and you’ll see claims everywhere (”Toothpaste most used by dentists themselves“, “Reduces dandruff by up to 100% and prevents hair fall“, “Best satisfaction guaranteed or your money back“, “Certified by American Health Association“, “Fights 7 signs of aging” and so on and so forth). I will not call out the brands and their associated claims, but you get the idea.

What is catching my attention is the slow movement of claim history towards more and more murky claims and pseudo-claims. ‘No product is better than X‘ translates to ‘X is as good as any other’. ‘Possibly the best‘ and ‘Definitely superior performance‘ always crack me up. Possibly? Superior? Superior to what? Your own performance 2 months ago, possibly.

And the opening claim is absolutely hilarious. ‘Almost certainly‘!!! How certain are we? Almost? But then, can’t blame the brands nowadays. Especially Web brands have their positions and superiority challenged on a daily basis. So no point wasting time, energy and resources to go for the superiority claim (one has to research into the details, do massive surveys and involves agencies to say that one is the best product / brand / service in the industry). So one would rather use a murky claim that supports and emphasizes the goodwill that Web brand has.

Like I used to say before; such great insights one gets only on my blog. Possibly the best branding blog you’ve never read.

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Rocca (n.): The silent creeping realization that one has gone onto chats with office friends replete with expletives and wry humor WHILST still connected to NetMeeting at work, thereby broadcasting arbit conversations to a bewildered Aussie colleague. Word can be used as a replacement for ‘blooper’, ‘boo-boo’, ’shit-creek’ or even ‘mammoth screw-up’.

(No Ratings Yet)

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Imagine a situation where you are dumbfounded by a very simple question, that too in front of a million people. Something even a kid with basic education could have answered. What does one do in such an embarrassing position? Grin and bear the shame, and try to learn better or get booed by the audience, or get thrown out of a job? And what happens when a nation has many such illiterates who need immediate re-education? Do you raise a nation-wide alarm and focus all energies on re-jigging your education system?

Hell NO. One makes a TV Show out of it. Called ‘Are you smarter than a Fifth Grader?’, where adults with fully developed brains are stumped by questions that 10 year olds have answered even before the question is finished. And then you coolly walk away with 50 grand in your pocket for accepting that you are, in fact, not smarter than a fifth grader.

The first time I saw it was when I was flipping channels and the ‘#1 game show in American TV’ caught my attention. And when I saw a woman wrong guessing which hemisphere North America was in (to be corrected by a 9 year old and win 10 grand or so in the process), I lost it. And it was when she had no shit clue about the question ‘if y=4x and 4x=12 then what is y?’ that I had an epiphany. Now I know why the ‘idiot box’ is called so.

In India, not knowing that piece of ultra-basic Algebra would mean your sweet ass being whooped by parents and teachers alike. And hell, it’s not even education, it’s basic common sense. Then, I notice that we seem to celebrating dumbness a hell lot. Fear Factor, where one eats worms and gulps ostrich eggs; Fist of Zen, where one has to smell burps for 30 seconds and what not; videos of really dumb people (more so Japanese humor) topping the charts in Youtube; a worrying trend I say.

Humor being dumb, slapstick and brainless is one thing. But brainlessness being considered normal, and even worth creating mass entertainment out of, is plain artlessness (in both senses of the word).

After I shut down the tele, I put on the radio for some musical and not-so-dumb entertainment. And there I was ambushed by another show called ‘Anything also can’. Let me explain. That’s Singlish for ‘anything goes’, or ‘everything is correct’. So in this show, all one needs to do is call up, give some random, totally unconnected answer, and win a prize.

And the kicker, that took away my faith in whatever was left in human intelligence, is that one lady called, and couldn’t answer a question on the show for 2 whole minutes. A show where she could’ve just said ‘I’m uber-dumb’ and still won the prize. But nope.

I expect too much from people, I’m told. Sigh.

(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5)

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Elliot (n.): The small cardboard cartons that people always carry when they move offices. (And not air-bags, plastic bags, shoulder bags, cloth bags, hell, not even paper bags). Can also refer to the mysterious place where one gets these cartons from.

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Westin (n.): The weird sleeping position (not sitting, not lying) that one assumes only on Economy class flight seats.

Gadzillion (n.): The large number of aunties (close to infinity) who will, arbitly, for no reason, and without any knowledge about you, tell you at your cousin’s marriage that you are next to get married.

Thumbbum (n.): Someone you just told to go sit on his/her thumb.

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Here I am, again on a Sunday night, loads of emails to go, no work done over the last two days, time wasted brilliantly with absolutely inconsequential trivialities. Why do something now, that can be done just-in-time later, seems to be the question.

Maybe the answer lies in the fact that I never procrastinate things that I hold dear, that I am passionate about, or that make me play the part of creator, and not that of problem solver or vicarious participant. This thing is I have no clue how to make money out of these things. Yet.

I have to write about the Chennai trip, the great Indian marriage, responsibility and simple pleasures in life (read rasam rice and dahi vadas). I have to catch up on tons of work, and keep up the oft broken promise of writing often.

But at least, I am reading a lot nowadays. Bless RSS and RSS integration with browsers. And bless India and easily available books. And I shall conclude this post later, when I think of a logical end to this situation.

(No Ratings Yet)

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No, its not metaphorical. And no, its not a joke.

My company is a nice place to work. Really. The people are damn smart, the environment is competitive yet casual, and I can wear my jeans and sneakers to office every darn day.

But then, God save you if you have to pee between three and four in the afternoon.

Let me explain. Of the few simple yet sublime pleasures of life, spraying the cannon after a few minutes with a full bladder is the most gratifying experiences of all. (Or hosing the lamp-post, or letting loose the lone water-pipe or the simple one-number. Whatever you wanna call it. Go pee.) And when an office floor is as cold as mine, it is but natural for a man (or a woman for that matter) to make a few quick stops to the restroom (finally! now I realize why toilets are called restrooms!) and relieve oneself of the unnecessary pressure. Only then can one think straight. You get what I mean.

So imagine this. You are walking towards the restroom (REST-room) after many minutes of foot-tapping and fidgeting with your pen. And just as you take the left turn towards the restroom, you freeze.

Because you see the mop-cart and a warning-sign that reads, ‘Caution. Floor is wet’. Because, there is only one person who cleans the toilets in our floor to a sparkle. And that person is a she.

Don’t get me wrong. This person is unbelievably industrious, excellent at her job, and very efficient. But the way men run helter-skelter when she’s about to enter the men’s-room is indicative that something is wrong somewhere. Karma, Gaya, Yin-yang, whatever.

She’s all of five foot (and maybe an inch). And pretty tiny at that. But six foot giants scoot off when she’s in our floor. I have heard of people catching a lift and going to upper floors just to take a pee. (I’d call that a sneak pee, but it would be too lame, even by poor joke standards). I mean, however proud a man is, one place in the whole wide universe he would not want a woman to walk into him is in front of the urinal.

Many questions arise in my mind (Does she knock; how does she make her entry; what do the guys already trapped inside do; worse still, what about the poor souls using the commode; what kinda sheepish grin do they have to put up when they step out; yada yada) but I let them pass. As I exit to the lift lobby.

Life is funny as hell, I tell ya.

(4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)

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Ashfield (n.): Fridge fossils. Perishable items that have ‘perished’ long ago and have life growing on them, and are discovered by accident when you run out of shelf space.

Targus (n.): Holidays that fall on weekends. (!@#$).

(1 votes, average: 3 out of 5)

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