5th January 2008. I’m still sleepy, groggy and quite irritable at 6 frickin’ o’clock in the morning. But what to do. Four hundred sing dollars can buy me a ticket only in good old Air India, and they can put me only on a 7.45 AM flight to Singapore. After canceling the flight that I originally booked, that is.

Did I tell you that BOTH my flights, to Bombay and back, were canceled? Not canceled as in, “Sir, we are so sorry, but due to uncontrollable circumstances, we had to cancel your flight. We apologize for this inconvenience and we shall make it up to you in whichever way possible. Can we give you options so that you can pick one that is most convenient for you?”. Canceled as in, “Both your flights have been canceled. You leave on 18th. I can’t tell you when I can offer you a return flight. Maybe you want to think about catching a bus, or swimming back or something”. I pay for a direct flight to Bombay, which is canceled. Then I take a flight that has a connecting flight at Delhi, and all Bombay passengers miss the connecting flight at Delhi because the Singapore-Delhi flight is late. Quite a fairy-tale trip, I must say, with sugar, cream and cherry on top.

Anyways. Back to the groggy Saturday morning at the Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport. After having driven for nine straight hours the previous day (Andheri, Chembur, Ghatkopar. You get the picture), I have a running nose and some bad perspective. All I want is a comfortable seat where I can stretch my legs, make a humble request to the air-hostess to disturb me for no reason on earth (or in the sky) and doze off. I wait in the queue for an hour, get to the check-in counter and happily hand over my ticket while the lady at the counter happily issues me the boarding pass.

And then she says, “Sir, are you aware that this flight will leave at 4.30 PM?”

You know those situations where you are so mind-numbed that you can’t decide whether to shout out aloud, to swear every obscenity you ever learnt, or to kill someone. Well, this wasn’t one of those situations. I very vividly wanted to do all three.

If I was aware that the flight would leave at 4.30 PM, would I be standing there at 6 AM like a jackass with my luggage and a teary-eyed mom outside? They did not have my Bombay number so they couldn’t inform me earlier, but this question about my prior awareness of the situation was, well, lets say, fishing for ‘compliments’.

Then I am told I would be paid taxi fare or hotel charges. I take the taxi fare, spend half an hour to get a pre-paid taxi and head home. And near Powai while I’m thinking, “Fuck all this. I’ll go home and get some rest”, the taxi breaks down.

Then I take a rick, go home, sleep, have lunch, come back to Airport (which is a mere 24 Kilometers away from home), and finally board the plane.

Now for the best part.

“Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your Captain Speaking. Welcome aboard flight yada yada yada.

We apologize for the delay. It was due to uncontrollable circumstances that our incoming flight was late. It is beyond our control, and beyond my control as an individual, you see. And let me bring your attention to the flight crew. They are here to help you in every way possible. But see, it is just a crew of 4 for about 180 passengers. That makes it about…hmm..err.. 45 passengers to a crew member.

To give you an idea, it’s like having 45 guests at your residency whom you have to tend to and entertain for four to five hours. It is not an easy task, you know. So please be considerate while asking for help and placing your requests. Thank you for your cooperation, and I shall keep you updated on our flight details after takeoff…”

Thankfully I was bound to the seat by the seatbelt, else would’ve fallen off and did the proverbial ‘rolling on the floor with laughter’. The announcement is not verbatim as I don’t recall the entire two minute monologue, but I make this up not!

So much for flight cancellations and quirky flight captains.

(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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